How Moving Abroad Changed My Life

Leaving my country to live abroad changed my life. I mean, duh!

I know it sounds like such a cliche. But it truly did, in so many ways.

Over 20 years ago I left Poland and I never looked back. Was it my plan to leave and never return? Not at all. Was it my plan to move to 3 other countries after that? Not at all. But once you open that door, there are things on the other side you could never imagine. 

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My grandpa was a clairvoyant. Not really. But when I was a teenager and I started learning English like my life was dependent on it, he said to me: ”One day you will move to England. ”

I laughed. To England? Nah!

Back then, in Poland, in the late 90s, it was the US that was everybody’s dream. But somehow he knew.

Fast forward to when I was 25 and I was packing my one bag and venturing on an adventure that took me to places I could never imagine I would end up in. I was off to the UK!

When I left Poland in November 2001, I intended to stay in the UK for up to 6 months. To earn some money and eventually come back home and open a pub with my friends who went with me on this journey. I could never imagine living anywhere other than Poland in the long term.

‘It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.’

– Bilbo Baggins

(Don’t wanna read the story? Skip to helpful advice here!)

But I ended up staying in England for 13 years!

Why did I stay? Because right at the start, I realized that who I could become was so much greater and more thrilling than the person I was at that time. I probably wouldn’t have put it that way back then.

And I’m not just talking about the opportunities, for a career, a better life or higher earnings. It was not just the sudden freedom from bigotry, small-town thinking (even though I came from a big city), the freedom to be who I wanted to be, or the fact that I no longer had to fit into social norms of how women should look, act or what they should aspire to.

More than anything, I see more clearly now, it was the journey I embarked on and suddenly I felt like the sky was the limit.

For the first time in my life (I was 25 at the time) I felt like I was slowly crawling out of my shell. I met, for the first time, people from different cultures, and backgrounds, and with very different outlooks on life.

I was born in Poland when it was still a communist country. I left behind a grey, underdeveloped, and sad city. And somehow also a sad country. We had only just opened up to the world and the small-town mentality was ever so present. Life in the UK felt like a completely different universe.

I worked really hard. I cleaned hotel rooms and hated it. But there was no other option for me at the time and giving up was not an option. I made an effort to work on my English and immersed myself in this foreign yet strangely familiar culture. I felt at home in England.

Slowly, life became easier as I settled into the new lifestyle, culture, and way of life. I changed jobs, got promoted, hated it, and changed jobs again. You know the regular story. I moved to different cities and made new friends. I changed, grew, and started developing this inner need to get to know myself better.

Why am I the way I am? What makes me who I am? What makes me make certain decisions and feel certain feelings? Who do I really want to be when I grow up? Somewhere, the doors to possibilities were always open. The books I read, the coaching weekend course I took, and finally the college counseling course. Would I have embarked on this journey if I hadn’t left my country?

Would I still be asking myself these questions today? I guess we will never know.

Maybe yes, but I think leaving my home country to live abroad and leaving my comfort zone completely has brought these questions to life more prominently.

“They told me to grow roots, instead I grew wings.”

 Louis de Bernières

There are many things I am grateful for when I look back at all the opportunities I have had. People who believed in me and offered me jobs just because of who I was, not because of who I knew. The chances to do what you truly desire, to learn and explore and take classes and courses that would’t otherwise be so easily accessible or affordable.

It feels like at that point I really started growing up. It was a conscious growth. Something I strived for.

The process of self-growth is a very hard journey, and some will never walk this path. It’s hard to face your demons, to realize that your past and your traumas are hunting you to the very limit of your pain threshold. I have touched on all possible outcomes of personal growth – extreme happiness as well as deep misery and depression. But that is an important part of this journey.

But maybe that would happen anyway, regardless of my decision to live abroad.

Maybe. But becoming completely independent, building my life in another country from scratch and with only a few pennies in my pocket, making life, discovering what I am capable of – that opened a door that might not have opened otherwise. Yes, I truly believe that leaving my home country changed my life. And shaped the person I am now.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.“

– Steve Jobs

Yet, the weather and gloomy skies took over and 13 years later I was on the move again. This time to sunny Spain and Gibraltar. 

And my time there could not be more different from the last 13 years I have spent in the UK. And I don’t just mean the weather and the relaxed Spanish lifestyle. Everything has changed, and yet again I discovered part of me I didn’t know existed. Yet again, there were some great moments and some I’m not too proud of. But this is what the journey is.

Somehow I always move forward. The person that emerges from these experiences surprises me as I get to know what I am really capable of. I discovered my limitations. And learned to overcome them. I learned that I could.

I have since moved to Malta, quit my job to travel the world, went back to Poland for a couple of years, then quit my job to travel once more, became a blogger, and a YouTuber, moved to Athens in Greece, and then, who knows. 

So what are my biggest learnings? How can leaving your home country and living abroad change your life?

Here is some advice from a perpetual expat:

Changing perspective can set you free

Moving to another country will change your perspective. And changing perspective often sets you free. From what is expected from you in your home country or hometown. You start afresh, be who you are, and become who you want to become.

Suddenly you are all on your own. No one is watching you. No one is judging. It’s a fresh start.

No place is perfect!

No place or country is perfect. And even more so once you live there. There will always be challenges and things you will not like.

It’s one thing to travel somewhere on a vacation. It’s a completely different story when you live somewhere. You suddenly need to deal with day-to-day issues. The bureaucracy, finding a job, apartment hunting, and making friends. Those things can be easier or harder, depending on where you move. But there is no getting away. Be prepared.

You might realize that the grass only seemed greener on this side. And that’s fine too. Remember – there is no shame in changing your mind.

But my advice is – always give it some time. Beginnings are often hard. It gets easier with time and then you can decide whether you made the right or wrong decision.

You will always be the foreigner so set your mindset right

Once you move out of your own country, you will always be a foreigner. This of course doesn’t mean you won’t become a part of the community, feel at home, and be welcomed. But there will sometimes be some kind of situation or even some people reminding you that you are not at home.

And this is fine. This is the price we pay for the freedom.

It is your mindset that will help you deal with it. If you make yourself feel at home, you will be at home. Find like-minded friends, find a job you love, and fall in love with the country you live in. Your home is where your heart is. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

You will learn what you are capable of

You will learn so much about what you are capable of, it’s unreal! And it’s guaranteed!

It’s in the extreme circumstances that we learn that we can deal with so much more than we originally thought. And it will give you wings. You will know that no matter what, you will be ok.

Things back home won’t change (much), but you will

You will come back home, for a visit or on vacation and it will feel like the time has stopped there. But you will be a different person. Suddenly the conversation will be different, you will have less in common with the friends you left behind and you will be puzzled by how some things, places, or people just never change.

It might irritate you at the beginning. But as time passes, you will find it nostalgic. You will wonder if you could return to this life. Maybe you could, more likely you will realize that you couldn’t.

Or they will change a lot, and you will miss the process

You will miss important events. Weddings, birthdays, the birth of your nieces or nephews, important milestones for your friends and family. It will be heartbreaking.

It really depends on how far you go. Nothing is really too far these days. But I missed many important events. Because they happened suddenly, or because I couldn’t travel due to work commitments or lack of money at the time. It is something you have to keep in mind.

But the reunions are just so awesome! And sometimes, the distance can strengthen a bond with those who are the closest.

You will learn more than you could ever learn at home

And I don’t mean educationally.

Moving to another country is a form of travel. And travel is the best university. It is expanding our horizons and teaches us about other cultures and other ways of life. It shows us the truth about the world. Nothing can beat that!

Sometimes you will be lonely

This is inevitable. Especially at the beginning. But this too will pass. You will make friends at work, you will sign up for salsa classes, pottery classes, language classes, or any kind of classes. You will meet people. But it takes time.

In the meantime, keep yourself busy. Explore the new country, dine alone in this new cool restaurant, go to the beach, to the woods, learn how to play a guitar, and join expats’ FB groups! There are others like you, you just need to go out and find them!

And with time, you will be at home. You will meet your people.

You will lose some friends and gain some new

Some friendships are forever, but some are not. Some stand the test of time and distance, and some do not. And it’s all fine.

You will have this new life that has nothing to do with the life of your friends. And things might just die down slowly. You will learn which friendships are worth keeping and worth fighting for. The rest…

At the same time, you will make many new friends. And this is great. As a traveler, I can tell you, that once you leave this door and meet people, you will have your heart spread all over different corners of the world.

You will change, inevitably

So, did I tell you already that moving abroad changed me forever? Oh, yes I did! And it will change you! But I have a suspicion that if you wanted to stay the same and things to be the same you wouldn’t consider moving abroad, would you? So all good!

Allow this change. Watch this happen and unfold. Be gentle with yourself. You might not always like what you see. It is part of the process. Extreme circumstances can highlight parts of ourselves we didn’t know existed. Or we didn’t want to exist.

But let me tell you a secret. No one is perfect. And it is beautiful.

And you might want to move again

It’s addictive. Travel is addictive and discovering the world is addictive. After a few years, you might want to move again.

I genuinely thought I would stay in the UK forever. But when the weather and lifestyle became unbearable, I knew I could move. I did it once, I could do it again.

But my last advice here is, don’t search for this perfect place forever. It doesn’t exist. Search until you think you found the place where you are happy. You never know, it might be the place you came from. Sometimes we have to leave to learn we were at home in the first place. But maybe you wouldn’t know if you never left.

It’s all a journey. A journey home.

I will never regret buying that one-way ticket and venturing into the unknown.

Because leaving my home country changed my life forever. And maybe it would change anyway – but I wouldn’t be the person I am right now. And I am very excited to see the person I will become in the future.

So if you are wondering, wishing, and dreaming but you are scared, or not sure if it’s the right decision? You will only find out by doing it!!

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

– Chinese Proverb

Looking for more practical advice? Check out my moving abroad page for loads of resources and advice on moving and living abroad!